Since before my son was born, I have worried about where he would go to school. Since before I got pregnant actually. Waiting lists at preschools, Montessori vs. Waldorf, home-schooling, unschooling, public and private school felt like I had more chances to get it wrong rather than that I had more choices.
I have taught daycare through adult students and every age in between. I attended public and private schools, earned three degrees and went to six universities through exchange programs, internships, and programs of study. I ran two Sylvan Learning Centers. I have some experience with education. All of that experience gives me an understanding of just how big an impact education and the educational environment have on our self-concept, our life choices, not to mention our everyday existence for the majority of our waking hours for 13+ years of our lives.
I like the Montessori set-up for toys but not the emphasis on doing so much by oneself. My son has his whole life to tie his shoes. Waldorf’s emphasis on play appeals to me but I have reservations about reading windows and other aspects of the program. Reggio Emilia sounded great but there were no schools close to us.
The homeschool network in Austin was appealing with part-time school, classes in special subjects, and extra-curricular activities like soccer and drama. We could create the educational landscape that worked for us. Being a single mom with a limited income isn’t particularly conducive to homeschooling though. Additionally, I’d figured out I’m not so sure I’m the best person to be Cavanaugh’s teacher–at least not his primary teacher. I want him to be able to come to me and say that something is too hard, or too easy, “Look what I learned today,” or ask, “Can you help me with this?” First and foremost, I want to be his mom.
Also, I’d like to not be so broke all the time. I’d like to be able to educate him by taking him on trips to foreign countries or affording experiential learning like flying in a hot air balloon or going white water rafting: modes of travel, speed, nature, tasting the world to figure out what he likes and doesn’t, what his skills and interests are. We can unschool–follow his interests and let him learn through life experience–when he’s not in school.
Private school is expensive too. While I could work to earn an income, which would be more difficult if I were homeschooling, the money I earned would be turned into tuition. Plus in many private schools, the social, ethnic, and economic diversity isn’t really diverse. And even if you don’t have to take state standardized tests, you’ll end up in high school classes getting prepped for ACT and SAT
Public schools’ emphasis on testing, behavior, and conformity concern me. Plus, I’ve taught in Texas public schools.
I want a place where he’ll learn, where he’ll be comfortable, and safe, and can be himself. I don’t want him to be bored by worksheets, overwhelmed by crowds, bullied. I don’t want a system of praise, punishment, and rewards to take away his intrinsic motivation.
Can you tell I’ve been dwelling in what could be wrong instead of what could go right? That’s why I was worrying about where he’d go to school, rather than looking forward to what worlds might open up for him. School options felt like being at a buffet of foreign foods. Things looked familiar, like I might like them, but instead of being able to dish a little of this and a little of that on my plate, in order to let my son try out different school environments, I’d have to get on long waiting lists, pay hold or enrollment fees, and then have school tours, observation days, let him get used to a place. It was daunting. And I didn’t actually know what Cavanaugh would like because he’d never tried any of it. Maybe things would seem like a bad fit and then he’d get there and it would all be fine. Or, they’d seem made for him and he’d end up hating it.
A friend advised me to tour schools with Cavanaugh’s personality in mind. That would help me make a decision. The barriers included tuition, required schedules –5 days a week for traditional Montessori schools, long days with a naptime though my son stopped napping at 2 1/2, etc. Now I was at a buffet where the food had some ingredients I liked but others I knew I didn’t like. I couldn’t eat around the beets or request them to hold the celery.
At some point this spring, I finally acknowledged that I wasn’t doing nothing. I just hadn’t made a final decision yet. I also let myself accept that I might not get it right the first time. Maybe I’d put Cavanaugh in a school that didn’t end up working and we’d reevaluate, or maybe it would work for a time and then stop. Just like ordering in a restaurant, I could try something and send it back or order something else. The first step was looking at our school choices. I’d done that by considering:
- My child (his personality, talents, likes and dislikes, current abilities, ways of learning, need for sleep, social needs, etc)
- Different educational approaches (Montessori, Waldorf, Reggio Emilia, Homeschooling, Unschooling, Private, Public, and other alternatives)
- Scheduling (part-time, traditional school year, year-round, school hours–how much of our day/week/year/lives would be taken up with school)
- Finances (tuition, scholarship or other financial aid, how much time I’d have to work (or not) depending on what kind of schooling we chose)
- Location (commute time to and from school, busing, community we’d be (or not be) around depending on how far school was from home)
- Myself (My career/life options would be impacted by his school schedule, location, state of mind, costs, etc; how involved I could or would want to be with a particular school and what my values are around education)
- Goals (What school could provide in terms of intellectual, social, physical, and emotional education, what it would teach my son about the world and himself)
All that was left was actually making a choice and trying it out. I’ll write more about that in my next post. In the meantime, I’d love to hear what your considerations are regarding school options. What have you tried? What are you going to try?
Photo by shazie28
Posted on May 10th, 2012 in 
Thank you so much for posting. I love your blog. I am a single mother of two and my oldest is entering kindergarten in the fall and I have toiled with this subject for years too. For me the biggest obstacle is finances so I’m trying to find a charter/public school that suits my son the best. I’ve been going back to school and working part time, so commute time and school schedule are also a factor. I hope you find the right school for your little one. I have read a lot of single mom blogs and yours is my favorite!
Thanks Kelly! I’m so glad you like my blog. If you ever want me to cover something specific on mamaTRUE, let me know.
I hope you find a school you like. I’ll be posting this week about questions to ask when you interview a school, as well as observations to make. In my experience advocating for students, I went to so many schools that had a great looking charter, claimed to have individual education programs, and sounded absolutely fabulous. Most of them weren’t doing what they said they were doing. There are easy ways to tell if they will be. I’ll share them this week.
Have you checked into magnet schools by you?
Around the time Liberty turned three, I was coming to understand that he really needed the company of other small people – and that it was time for preschool. It’s a lucky occurrence that we lived in a school district where a) preschool was free, and b) there were _lots_ of magnet schools. So one morning I trucked downtown to signed up for the lottery – seriously, you have to put your kid’s name into a lottery for the magnet schools. In a stroke of luck, he got into our top choice, the arts magnet, and it was a seriously osm seven years at that school. I loved the teachers and the arts integrated curriculum; I loved watching him thrive under the program there.
Magnet schools don’t start until middle school here. There are some schools we could try to get into with a lottery system. I checked out the charter school nearby and it was clear that the charter was on paper only. The school wasn’t operating the way it said it would. There’s another lottery-based public school but it’s so far away it would add an hour at the beginning and end of Cavanaugh’s school days.
I love the idea of an arts magnet, an environmental school, or something of the like, but I want Cavanaugh to get exposure to areas of life that he doesn’t see so much of at home and have the opportunity to figure out if they might be for him. I have done 9 1/2 years of college degrees in English. My mom was an English professor. My dad a psychologist. There just wasn’t a lot of math and science in our house. But I have consistently scored significantly higher in math aptitude tests than English. I loved books and words because they were all around me. I still love them. When I took geology my senior year of my Bachelor’s Degree, I realized I might have loved to be a volcanologist. When I took the GRE for my MFA in poetry, I scored higher in math and logic than in verbal I’d gone to a wonderful liberal arts private school for 4-7th grades where both the math and science curriculum were weak. I’d like to give Cavanaugh a while before he has school focused on a certain area of education. He may be good at so many more things than I already know, and just need exposure to them.
My daughter first went to public kindergarten and 1/2 of first grade. Then, due to circumstances beyond my control, homeschool became the only viable option for us. I agonized over my homeschool choice, researched,read everything I could get my hands on, including Welcome to Homeschooling Guide before making the decision to homeschool. Five years later, we are still homeschooling, with plans to go through high school. I wonder now why I fought the homeschooling decision so hard. I know it is not for every family, but I honestly can’t see any other way to school at this point in time. Homeschooling is not only about educational choices, but also family choices, I get to control my family time, instead of working it in around school schedules. I appreciate the research and decision you will make. Remember that no decision you make is permanent, you can change if your or your child’s needs change. Good luck!
I have quite a few friends who homeschool and really thought I would do it myself. I am a certified teacher and have taught all levels from pre-school-adult. I loved the idea of spending all of that time with my son, of getting to help him explore the world. The wealth of materials that are out there assured me we would never lack for something to do. And the homeschooling community in Austin is so active that he could have been in drama, soccer, hockey, etc. and gotten the social and team-building opportunities that didn’t used to be available to homeschoolers. Plus, not having to deal with state curriculum and testing, school schedules and politics, and the dreaded early morning wake-up added to the pros list for homeschooling.
A few things happened though that made homeschooling feel much less viable for us. I need time to myself. I’m a better mom when I get it. I need to write, and exercise, and be with my friends without kids around. I like the idea of being able to drop my son off at school and pick him up seven hours later. My hope is that he gets his basic educational and social needs met there while I attend to the household needs: money, a sane and happy mom, and the like.
I was thinking this would be of benefit even before I got divorced. Once that happened, the option to homeschool felt incredibly distant. There is no husband who gets home at the end of the day and helps with dinner or bedtime, errand running, or household maintenance. I do everything by myself. Adding his education and all of the daytime hours that he would be at school to my responsibilities feels like more than I can handle. While I realize that one can homeschool in only two-three hours a day and impart more information than my son might get in a full school day due to things like roll call, recess, lunch time, and having to review lessons and repeat instruction so that everyone in class understands, that two – three hours plus the driving to whatever extra-curricular and team activities with other homeschoolers is more than I want to take on right now.
My hope is that he goes to public elementary school and does well, that I can work while he’s there and afford other educational opportunities (books, travel, software, maps, whatever) that wouldn’t be available were I to be his teacher as well as his mom. That being said, I absolutely agree about no decision needing to be permanent. If this school doesn’t work out, maybe we’ll try private, or charter, or homeschooling. When I’m trying to make a decision, I ask Will this make my life easier or harder? I start with what looks easiest first. If a highly rated free public school 8/10ths of a mile away ends up making my son’s life harder, we’ll try something else.
I’m so glad that homeschooling is working for you and I really appreciate the resource. Good luck to you and your family!
the Work I do, that I love to do, that could support many opportunities for my son and for me, requires me to be out of the house.