When I read about night weaning, my main fears were that the weaning itself would be traumatic, that we’d have to move Cavanaugh out of the family bed or he’d never stop nursing at night, or that once partially weaned, Cavanaugh would wean completely. The books and websites introduced more fears I hadn’t even thought of yet. As usually happens, when I started talking to my mama buddies, they told me a lot the books had neglected to mention and they reminded me that different kids have different personalities thus the process will not be the same for everyone, no matter what the books say.

So to compile this list, I asked the mamas what they wish they’d known, both positive and negative, when they were considering night weaning:

General advice:

• Some kids just won’t night wean themselves and the goal of child-led weaning just makes for an exhausted family and a resentful mama.
• “Listen to the little mama voice in your head saying, ‘It’s time.’  Often you will hear it before you actually do it.  Don’t wait too long.  Make the change before you desperately need the change.” Rhonda
• Make sure your child is not hungry in the night. Though s/he doesn’t need food in the sense that his/her stomach is big enough to hold enough for a full night’s nourishment, s/he is used to snacking every couple of hours or so. To help with the transition, big bowls of oatmeal, yogurt, an English muffin with nut butter or some other before-bed snack can help.
• The advice to wait until all of a child’s teeth come in assumes the child wakes a lot because of teething or that all of their teeth will come in on schedule. Many toddlers don’t even notice their two year molars coming in and delaying weaning until after they arrive may means months of interrupted sleep for no good reason.
• You can make up your own rules for night weaning. My friend Emily decided she just wasn’t nursing between bedtime and 4 a.m. A few months after that, they dropped the before bed nursing, then they dropped the 4 a.m. nursing.
• Without nursing, you will need to develop other sleep associations so your child can fall back to sleep without milk. You’ll also need other tools to comfort your child when s/he’s sad, scared, or sick in the night.
• Come up with a plan for what you will do instead of nursing your child back to sleep. Suggestions from Jaimee include holding, rocking, singing, wearing tight fitting clothing, walking, offering snack/water, offering book/movie, partner helping, driving, baby carrier, sleeping in another room, etc..

Exceptions to the Rule

• Some kids are all or nothing folks. They may not understand getting to nurse in the day but not at night. It is possible to completely wean a child in order to stop the night nursing and then at some later point reintroduce milk only at certain times of day as my friend Rhonda did. “starting at 18 months we tried everything to nightwean and ended up completely weaning at two years because uma wasn’t able to incorporate the idea of only nursing during the day.  ~two months later (26 months) we started nursing again in the morning and after nap.  she self weaned two weeks ago (2.8 years.)”
• Some kids just wake up more if someone is next to them. If you want to limit night nursing, you may be able to do so just by moving the child to her own bed rather than having to fully night wean. As my friend Lisa explained,  “Our night weaning occurred as a side effect of moving Lexi out of our bed and into her room at around 12 months.  She was nursing every 45 minutes, all night long, and I couldn’t see how it would be possible to night wean, or even to decrease it, while co-sleeping.  I wasn’t actually planning to night wean.  I was just not getting any sleep at all with the non-stop nursing at night.  After the crib transition, we went very quickly from nursing once in the middle of the night, to going a 5 hour stretch and then 7 and then to all night.  This happened over the course of a week or two.  We didn’t really actively, intentionally night wean.  If she woke, I went in and nursed her and put her back down to sleep.”

Pros of Night-Weaning:

• Once the toddler knows there’s no more milk in the night, they will actually cuddle with you instead of wanting to suck from your body.
• The night wakings stop. Your child will (almost) immediately begin to sleep for long blocks, if not the whole night.
• You and your child will sleep more deeply and will actually begin to have dreams again.
• The night-weaning process is a very short period of time in a long nursing relationship and the relief and rest you feel on the other side are so worth it!
• Once a child is night-weaned, co-sleeping is not a problem for most kids. They know the milk isn’t available and they don’t ask.

Cons:

• Most likely, “There will be tears for a few nights – yours and theirs. ” Rhonda
• Sleep might get worse before it gets better.
• The length of time spent in bed is likely to shorten. When kids are getting more  and deeper sleep because there are no longer night wakings, they don’t sleep as long. Many of my friends noticed a one – two hour shortening of sleep. Essentially, that 6 a.m. nursing that bought you one more sleep cycle is likely to turn into a 6 a.m. wake up.
• Depending on the temperament of your child and how established night weaning is, you may have to night wean all over again if you need to make exceptions for illness, vacations, or other temporary setbacks.

If there’s something you wish you’d been told about night weaning, help another mama out. Tell her here.